SELFIENESS

“Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” -Proverbs 31:30 The same could be said of men.

Selfie says it all. Before I start in, it’s important for me to note that I too have taken pictures of myself—alone and with other people. They can capture memorable experiences when there is no one else around or provide an even more intimate appearance as you huddle close with family or friends. However, at the heart of the selfie is often: self. There is a vanity not simply associate

d with self-photography but that actually exists.

A new article from Reuters news service shows an alarming trend: more and more people are opting for plastic surgery because of how they perceive themselves to look in publicly posted photos. Reuters cites a poll by the American Academy of Facial Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery (AAFPRS) in which doctors noted “a 10 percent rise in rhinoplasty in 2013 over 2012, a 7 percent jump in hair transplants and 6 percent increase in eyelid surgery.”

There was a time when we looked in the mirror as we got around in the morning and perhaps once as we brushed our teeth before bed. Now, we’re inundated if not obsessed with our self images from morning to night thanks to the rise of social media. Somehow Instagram and other apps have convinced us that other people just can’t get enough of us. “You’re so vain, you probably think this [blog] is about you, don’t you…”

I work in a business that although we talk about the focus being on good journalism, it’s also very looks-based. If you think Hollywood is harsh, then you should meet some of the bosses and consultants in this business that make no bones about what’s wrong with your clothes, your hair, your make-up, your weight, or your overall image. However, as a man, I must admit that the criticism women in television news receive is far more disproportionate than their counterparts. Although women tend to receive more compliments about their appearance, they are also much more likely to be criticized for it—by both management and the viewing public. Thankfully, I have encountered very little of that in my career. You may have seen the male Australian news anchor who wore the same suits for a year, changing only his shirt and tie, to prove that no one would notice simply because he’s a man and no one cares about his wardrobe. According to a People magazine article, it was his way of protesting the sexism and double standard he sees his female co-anchor as being held to. 

In my experience young women seem to move up more quickly than their male peers in television news. However experienced, accomplished, mature women are often pushed out for appearing older while their aging male counterparts are simply seen as distinguished. If you think the aging process isn’t fair or kind, try doing it in high definition! Every wrinkle, pock mark, and age spot is magnified even more than if you were sitting across from someone in real life. If a man’s hair appears grey (which mine is starting to), it somehow adds to my credibility. God forbid a woman in tv let a single grey hair appear! Break out the bottle of Clairol!   

  

I admit that far too often I care way too much about how I look. I have a daily morning “ready” routine: I have to shower, carefully coordinate my suit, shirt and tie; my clothes must then be meticulously ironed, I always shave (except for my days off), and my hair…oh, the hair...has to have mousse or gel to maintain that perfect “anchorman” look. Sadly, my wife often laments that it takes more time for me to get ready than her! Now, that’s embarrassing but true. If you have seen me out at Walmart on the weekends or late at night, you might dispute those facts. However, even when I’m ‘dressed down’ in public, I’m hoping that I’m not recognized in my ratty ‘Bearcats Hoop It Up!’ t-shirt from my high school (from when I was in high school!) and the pair of wind suit pants that everyone knows is really about comfort and not at all about exercise if I’m wearing them.

Although I haven’t given it much thought, I too critique my selfie shots. Technology allows us to quickly delete, retake, or alter images to our satisfaction. Though I haven’t pondered the question for more than a minute, I don’t know if I would ever go under the knife to improve my selfie image. I’d like to think that I will embrace aging as part of life’s process. While I don’t want to be old and trying to look young, I’d still like to look good “for my age”. Still, it’s likely that my fear of pain will keep me looking my ripe old actual age—and that’s okay. I look at the people I respect most in life, and those laugh lines around their eyes betray the happiness that lies inside. The grey hairs on their head are evidence of a life lived that has grown wisdom within them. And yes, the extra weight around their waist tells of many dinners with family and friends. I want to be them.

Obviously plastic surgery isn’t just about age. People have rhinoplasty to re-shape their noses and lipo to rid themselves of excess fat. I hope that I can simply embrace the body I was born with and motivate myself to re-shape it through diet and exercise. I say hope, because I have yet to have success with the latter part of that.

In the end, I don’t think that there is anything wrong with wanting to feel good about how you look. However, if you look no further than the surface, you will never be satisfied. Just ask anyone who has had plastic surgery countless times. Something more is missing than just what’s on the outside. So, maybe instead of taking so many selfies, you can try turning your attention from yourself and really see others—maybe genuinely for the first time.

“Let no one seek his own good, but the good of his neighbor.” 1 Corinthians 10:24

Mad About Marriage

I love my wife. Even on our darkest of days, I’ve known that I would never walk away. I want her; I need her. La Manda captures my heart so completely. No matter how our life has changed and we have grown individually her heart still beats the same as when we first became friends. I can look past my anger in the moment and still see the woman I fell in love with. (And, eventually, the pea soup-spitting, head-spinning, minion of Satan demon that has temporarily overtaken her body will be cast out and she’ll return to the incredibly beautiful, kind-hearted wife and mother she is on most days.) I’ve learned that no one can make you as angry as your spouse, and no one but God can make you feel more loved. La Manda does that for me.

It is incredibly humbling to know that my wife knows everything about me—and the dark, secret sins that could have separated us from the beginning instead became a bridge of grace that united us. La Manda is incredibly long-suffering and forgiving. She has a way of causing my jaded heart to pause and consider the plight of others who are struggling—whether we know them or not. She loves kids and somehow manages to look past their bad, even troubling behaviors, to see that God has a plan for each one of them. My wife easily earns trust from strangers and valiantly protects it. Her heart is broken for those without food or clothing. I realized early on in our dating relationship that this woman I wanted to be my wife would become the most amazing mom. There will never be a day that our girls feel unloved as long as their mother walks this earth. She laughs at me, she laughs with me; she laughs in spite of me. La Manda is perfectly capable of taking care of herself, but it is the most fulfilling feeling that she has chosen to live her life with me. There have been days when we have both wondered if we made a mistake, but if I did, it’s the greatest one I will ever make.

“I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation…” -Philippians 4:12b

I would like to think that I have learned to be content in my marriage; content and not lazy. I have found it especially important these past three years to love what God has blessed me with and joyfully live with the choices I have made of my own free will. Although Paul is not specifically speaking about marriage, I think discontentment in a relationship is the seed that leads us to stray. It doesn’t always end with us in another’s bed, but it often means we are no longer wholeheartedly sleeping in our own.

I hate clichés. I find them terribly unoriginal in their attempt to generically explain any given situation. Without a doubt, I can say the claim that “the grass is always greener on the other side” is nothing more than an uninspired illusion. It isn’t green grass that sees livestock through the toughest winters. It is hay; dead grass that sustains them. So, it is with us in our marriages. Happiness and youthful lust are fleeting; feelings fade. However, the vows my wife and I made before God on our wedding day required an unwavering commitment that leads to contentment.

It would be foolish for me to say that I have achieved who I set out to be; I am far from the husband and father I want my wife and children to see. Laziness is easy, and I often find myself confusing contentment with what is reality. Sometimes I excuse my lack of attempts at growth by claiming to be content. The thing is, if I’m content and my wife is not, I must seriously assess myself to see if the problem could be me. In Romans 12:3, Paul writes: “Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment.” The sobering truth is that I need to look no farther than myself to find problems in my marriage and no closer than God to find the solutions.

So, as I lay in our marital bed with a toddler between us on our three-year anniversary I simply want to say: I love my wife, I love our life, and I am striving to be content. I love you, La Manda Broyles. Happy anniversary!

GOODBYE GLORY BABY

“Heaven will hold you before we do…Heaven will keep you safe until we’re home with you…” –from Watermark’s song ‘Glory Baby’

I am torn between a lurking sadness and an abundant joy; pulled between the sorrow of death and the anticipation of life. I have long believed that there are some things in life that will just never be okay this side of heaven; things that no matter how much or often we forgive or try to forget never really leave our heads and certainly not our hearts. This is one of those times in life.

We recently learned that La Manda was pregnant with our second child. We had been hopeful, even prayerful, that God would give us another baby, and He did. It wasn’t long before Lam became very sick once again with hyperemesis gravidarum. Simply put, it’s extreme vomiting during pregnancy. After two emergency room visits and a brief hospital stay we learned why her hyperemsesis was so much more severe than it was with Emmarie. She was pregnant with twins. Was… It’s curious how a careful change in tense can change the entire meaning of a sentence. It can change the entire course of one’s life.

The doctor quickly reassured us that one baby was healthy and on track. However, the twin had “failed to develop”. The tech heard one heartbeat, not two. She saw a fetal pole on one embryo, but the other appeared to be an underdeveloped yolk sac. I heard little after that. I tried to keep up with the topic of conversation, to understand what had happened and what that would mean for La Manda and our baby still alive and growing inside of her. It was difficult for me to focus. I remember asking the doctor, “So, does this mean that the other yolk sac will not continue to grow?” I appreciated her candid honesty and the shred of hope she offered: “I never say never. Strange things can happen.” That was just what I needed at that moment; an opportunity to believe. It was an opportunity to believe in a God who is greater than me, greater than the doctor, greater than what science says should be—not matter what will happen. So, my prayer became that God would spare the life of our second little baby.

Although I hope for the best, I cannot help but be aware of the worst. I struggle to know how I’m supposed to feel; and so most days I don’t. When I think about the little one we may have lost, I am sad. There are those who will say a yolk sac isn’t a baby. They cannot understand how I feel. Yet, Jeremiah 1:5 makes it clear that God knows us even before he forms us in our mother’s womb! I want to celebrate the surviving twin, but I feel as though I need to mourn his or her’s brother or sister before I can fully embrace joy once again. I am saddened that we will not meet our little one this side of heaven. I am saddened that our children will never all play together on this earth. I do not like to engage in “what ifs” or what might have been . “What would this child have been like?” “What would they have grown up to become?” Clearly, this is how God intended it to be. I can’t imagine why, but neither have those who have experienced this loss countless times before me. Yet, “I will rest in knowing, heaven is your home…And it’s all you’ll ever know…” –from Watermark’s song ‘Glory Baby’

I do not know what the doctor believes. I don’t know if she believes in God or doesn’t. I don’t know if she believes that life begins at conception or not. However, I am very thankful that she did not try to lessen the impact of the news by belittling our baby’s existence. She referred to him or her as a twin. That one word that means two broke my heart and gave me peace at the same time. Not only did we finally have a reason for Lam’s extreme illness, but our doctor also recognized and honored the personhood of our babies.

I don’t know how men are supposed to react to a miscarriage. I don’t know if we are supposed to be indifferent or withdrawn. I don’t know if we are expected to focus solely on our wife’s emotions and ignore our own. I haven’t read up on it or Googled it, nor do I plan to. I only know how I feel. And that is this: I am saddened at the loss of our unborn baby’s life. I am reminded that the only difference between our little one and the millions who are aborted every year is this: our baby was loved and wanted. So, I will grieve the loss of our twin. I am a father separated from his child only by this life, not eternity. I believe with great certainty that one day I will be united with him or her again. So, until then…“Baby let sweet Jesus hold you
‘till mom and dad can hold you…You’ll just have heaven before we do…” –from Watermark’s song ‘Glory Baby’

CLICK HERE to watch the video of Watermark's song "Glory Baby".